Ayin Ha Ra

Namun, sebenarnya, hati saya selalu gaduh. Ketika di tindih tubuhnya saya mengaduh. Karena setelahnya dia akan mengeluh. Bertanya, ke manakah hubungan ini akan berlabuh?.~miamou

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Kalimat ini letaknya agak ke kiri, di antara lipatan udara beragam, gelas champagne, dan daftar menu dengan logo pencari lubang tertempel pada “cover”-nya. Kudapan memenuhi meja makan, seperti kudapan lain yang memenuhi di balik seragam Ayra.

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Beberapa kalimat agak berantakan, ketika aku mencoba menatap Ayra, nama panggilan yang lebih singkat dari Ayin Ha Ra. Hewan kecil itu terkadang bermain di antara rambut Ayra yang terurai panjang, seperti mengukur jarak antara kesunyian dan pikiran-pikirannya. Cukup rumit.
Beberapa tamu yang datang untuk bermain golf di Elite Golf Club ini, tempat paling innocent untuk segerombol pendosa paling banyak gaya, di dalam ruangan VVVVVIP ini yang namanya sering disebut sebagai Black Widow, karena beberapa karyawati yang bekerja di tempat itu rata-rata korban dari ketamakan diri sendiri akan orgasme, dan akhirnya ditinggalkan oleh si penebar benih untuk menjadi janda di umur muda. Beberapa tamu VVVVVIP tersebut tampak seperti makhluk bodoh, mereka sibuk dengan telepon genggam masing-masing di tempat yang seharusnya lebih baik untuk menghindar dari segala jenis elektronik tai.
 
Ayra akan menemani mereka untuk menyelam di beberapa titik pembicaraan politik paling kotor yang tidak pernah masuk walau dalam selembar media paling kredibel sekalipun (pengaturan trayek premanisme di kota itu, berjudi hampir seperti yang biasa mereka lakukan di negara Macau sambil mengatur pembagian bisnis kotor lainnya) yang hampir tidak bisa di cerna Ayra yang sedang menuangkan air San Palegrino ke gelas salah satu tamu gendut ber-uang yang jaman sekarang sering di sebut “Gadun”.
Dia tampak gelisah, seperti akan menemani seonggok daging yang masing-masing sibuk bersilat jari dengan touch screen di telepon genggamnya. Tapi paling tidak, sehabis kerja nanti, Ayra akan meringankan beban-beban di rumah seperti susu untuk anak, listrik, internet, indovision, rokok untuk adik laki-lakinya yang malas berkerja, kakeknya yang pensiunan tanpa dana pensiun, dan kebutuhan-kebutuhan rumit lainnya.
 
Sepulang kerja, Ayra tidak selalu pulang kerumah. Dia melarikan diri dari kerumitan kebutuhan di dalam rumahnya, dan menyapa pelukan tepat setelah membuka pintu kamarku. Masih menggendong tas kulit coklat yang entah di salah satu kantung tas itu terdapat beberapa kartu nama tamu VVVVVIP di tempat dia bekerja. Larut setelah itu, Ayra berbaring sexy agak kesammping memberi jalan untuk cairan yang akan mengalir dalam tubuhnya saat itu. Saya hanya manusia yang berhasrat tanpa uang yang haus akan cinta dan kepuasan mengerang, apapun bentuk dan caranya walau harus berperang. Aku telah rela menjadi binatang yang di kandangi dalam kerumitan di dalam kepala Ayra itu.
 
Ayra.
 
Saya tidak pernah bisa meihat matanya terlalu lama, atau dada ini akan meleleh seperti chocolate fondue yang mengalir ke bagian bawah tubuh saya dan stroberi di bagian tubuh lain menjadi ranum dan sangat matang.
 

Waktu menunjuk pukul sembilan. Di sudut kafe ketiak saya berpeluh. Namun tak bisa mengeluh. Kecuali pada ponsel yang suaranya tak juga melenguh.

Dua belas jam yang lalu ada yang mengaku akan datang. Yang saya harapkan selalu di kafe itu senyumnya manisnya akan mengembang. Ketika melihat saya. Karena berdekatan dengan pujaan hati, katanya. Biasanya kami akan menghabiskan waktu dengan percakapan. Saling bertatapan. Saling bertukar harapan. Harapan untuk bisa merapat dan berdekapan. Di suatu tempat yang jauh dari kegaduhan.

Namun, sebenarnya, hati saya selalu gaduh. Ketika di tindih tubuhnya saya mengaduh. Karena setelahnya  dia akan mengeluh. Bertanya, ke manakah hubungan ini akan berlabuh?

”Kenapa perlu dipertanyakan, Sayang. Kita sedang berlabuh ke sebuah ketidak-tahuan yang memabukkan.”

”Hah?!”

Kupu-kupu melebarkan sayapnya tepat di depan bebungaan di mana kami duduk. Ia pun melebarkan jangkauan tangannya di mana tangan saya sedang diam merunduk. Mencoba meredam tawa saya yang sudah terdengar seperti orang mabuk. Tenang gerakannya sangat saya tahu sebenarnya memendam rasa amuk akan segala pertanyaan rumit yang saya tunda jawabanya. Sejujurnya saya tidak pernah berencana untuk menhabiskan hidup di temani dengan rasa was-was akan pekerjaan yang mungkin akan menjatuhkan saya lagi, seperti yang sudah – sudah. Karena itu segera saya kibaskan tangan itu berpura-pura menghalau nyamuk.

“Sayang?”

Saya memotong kalimatnya. Persis seperti apa yang dilakukan badut-badut ketika berada di atas arena. Berteriak ketika ada yang mengolok-oloknya. Terjatuh. Mengaduh. Berlari. Tanpa berani memaki. Menghilang ke balik panggung. Disertai dengan sorak-sorai dan tawa menggunung.

Sorak-sorai itu yang mengingatkan saya atas kutipan-kutipan yang dituliskan di beberapa buku pemikir. Membuat saya mencibir. Karena ada letupan kembang api di kepalanya. Dan warna-warni serpihan kembang api itu jatuh ke bahunya, meleleh ke dada dan memerah di ujung putingnya. Ia tidak pernah mengetahuinya. Maka, ia tak merasakannya. Ketika serpihan kembang api itu melumatnya. Bahkan ketika saya berkata,

”Kenapa perlu dipertanyakan, Sayang. Kita sedang berlabuh ke sebuah ketidak-tahuan yang memabukkan.”

Tapi di manakah sekarang ia, setelah hanya itu jawaban yang saya punya?

”Hah?!”

Terkejut saya ketika bahu ditepuk seseorang perempuan.

”Boleh saya ambil bangku yang tak terpakai?”

”Hah?!”

Saya tidak bisa menentukan. Saya sudah menunggu dua jam dengan perut kram akibat pil anti depresi yang dosisnya sedikit saya tingkatkan belakangan ini, atau mungkin karena Irish Coffee yang sudah gelas ketiga. Namun ia tak juga datang. Tapi apakah saya harus menyerahkan bangku kosong di sebelah saya ke seseorang? Seseorang yang membutuhkan bangku tambahan di mejanya karena ia bersama banyak teman tak terkecuali perempuan?

”Boleh saya pakai bangkunya, Mas?”

Saya menatapnya.

”Maaf, masih ada yang saya tunggu.”

”Waktu?”

~~~ ~~~

Real love is the love that sometimes arises after sensual pleasure; if it does, it is immortal, makes you wait even you know he/she will never show up; the other kind of inevitably goes stale, for it lies in mere fantasy.” ~Mia (Moussa Isaac Askey)

Baby, You’ll Be Alright.


* * *

Good morning dear, I hope I didn’t wake you too soon.

Because my mind is growing tired, too much thinking what I should do.

I picture you out there, It must be beautiful this time of year.

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All those south coast leaves, floating round like embers from burning trees.

Well the weather out here is just the same, but do you think about me when you alone? The thing we used to do and the thing we used to be? You know that i could be the one who make you feel that way, and i could be the one who set you free.

Now it’s only work, each day bleeding into the next. Barely scraping by I tire myself out just so I can rest.
But rest it rarely comes, and when it does I cannot go home. Because it’s much too quiet, seems that I’m not suited to being alone.

And everyone around me changed.
But i remember, this is isn’t the way that we used to be.

I think about you maybe more than I should, but the smog is getting old, the drugs I’m taking aren’t so good. So will you talk to me? Even though you’ve had a late night.

Because I need a little help.

Baby, tell me I’ll be alright….

* * *

Art of Love at The First Sight

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” ~miamou


Falling in love at first sight is one of the best experiences of a life time for anyone. It feels so magical and strange. When you face that moment, not only your mind, but also your body feels strange.

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One time I went to a party and just sitting around. All of a sudden someone is beside me, offering to get me a drink or just a simple as they just ask you to light her cigarette. That simple thing will definitely led you to make a first move to see her feedback, then suddenly you might feel strange comfort and begin to start a conversation. Here after you’re struck by the emotional feeling that, you have just found someone who probably you could get for a future relationship, but don’t get it wrong and no need to rush. Make it everything as natural as you can. You see a nice girl staring at you with a innocent catchy smile, you think you just found the Miss. Right for you. But that’s crazy, isn’t it? I know, its isn’t normal, and this is not happens most of the time, But sometimes it could be ended up with long lasting wild romance perhaps. So, my point of view, first site love is that much strong sometimes.

Many think that is the real love. Because, when we just saw a person on the very first time, we don’t know anything about them. Do they educate or what they do for their life, and how old are they. The most important thing is, at least do they like us? Or they just try to flirt and playing her games to attract us? We don’t know anything yet, but we just feel love about them. So it’s only love. Nothing is there, in between us only a feeling of love. So, isn’t it real love? Or I could only say; it could be a real love and why not.

But few think, it’s not real love at the very first sight, but it’s only a desire about that person. If you think deeper about this, can this gorgeous, deep-voiced, well-dressed strange pretty lady with the perfect figure, give you what you really want for your life? Because we don’t know anything about them, and they don’t know who we are neither. It might be only a feeling of desire about that person. Desire, is actually not the true love, perhaps if we get to know about theses strangers some people would like to escape from them.

Beside all of the above, it’s better to see whether, “is there any mechanism for this love at first site?” Not all of us fall in love within few seconds. On my point of view, that kind of first sight love is the only thing that i can only see on the books or romance movie. So, sometimes it might be hard to experience it in a real life. Further, it has been seen in studies that men are more likely to falling in love immediately than women. It seems like men are more stimulated by visual appeal than women. On the other hand, women experience romantic chemistry a lot better than men. It means, Men know they like a woman the very second they see her. But in the case of women, they usually fall in love with someone after the one or two conversations, and it definitely depend of how the man treat her as a good stranger guy, such as; being fun, respect her as a lady, no need to give them too much compliment, just being natural you, listen carefully when they talk something serious, avoid to judge her easily, and many more. But the most important thing is to make her feel comfortable. And, Do you know that your first kiss also affect your love? If you lucky make her more feel comfortable with your kiss so you wont lose the attraction. And it’s not just the kisses, your body language too can predict whether you will experience love at first sight.

My best advice is, if both of you feel comfortable together, just take a walk sometimes, go to a coffee shops, spent time to get to know each other, avoid to talk about her bad memory of past, don’t judge easily, don’t get to attached or even worse get a really fast sex, sometimes is a good starts to have sex at beginning of relationships, but I experience it hard to make a ‘first sight love’ to a happily ever after, because that good sex will distract a simple thing of natural relationship. That’s actually what I learn from my mistake. So what do you think? Falling in love at first sight is real love? Or is just a lust that will bring you to a short term attached that only leads you to a one night stand? You decide.

~ ~ ~

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” ~miamou

If Someone Ask Me “Why?”

Then everything turns right, a few unsaid feelings seems happened to be true. That’s why I did. ~miamou


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I would like to flash back to see that sunrise to collect memory instead of things, its time for us to pack up all the past and find what truly lasts.

If everything has been written down, so why worry?

If life changing, so why worry?

We say it’s still you and I with silly smile as we wave goodbye, and you can say that was your mistake to open up the door that closed for ages. Then someone once said that “You couldn’t”, then everything turns right, a few unsaid feelings seems happened to be true. That’s why I did, and I won’t worry.

If someone ask me, “why?”

Each series of life has something unsaid feelings. For those who said with metaphors, and for those who didn’t even know what metaphors means. When you remember once wasn’t good orgasm and remember the chapter wasn’t good plot, i hope we’ll realize that we own a promise that long forgotten,

eventually.

~miamou~

Nutella Spilled

When I first came out here, I had a dream – a dream of an easy life. Guess what? Most of it came true. ~miamou


 

Azka; “My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this island of God’s. I don’t want to be arrogant here, but I’m an incredibly attractive man. I can’t help it, I don’t try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother’s best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us fuckin’ on the Stairmaster. Bali, Indonesia – that’s where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and Little Miss Cute Tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart. When I first came out here, I had a dream – a dream of an easy life. I was gonna get rich from lyin’ around having my picture taken. I was gonna live in the hills and drive a noisy yellow sports bike and fuck 75cm girls who weighed 50kg’s. Guess what? Most of it came true.”

Nutella Spilled

A story about who i called narcissistic gigolo Azka who lives in beautiful island Bali, drifting from one relationship to another without a steady job or even a place to live. He preys on women who can provide for him, using his looks and sexual prowess to keep them happy.

Before long, however, Azka starts cheating on Norine, first with his friend then with Lala who actually had relationship with his best-friends, whom he met at another party. Lala disapproves of Azka’s free-wheeling lifestyle and has expressed a desire for a relationship, but Azka has no real interest in her except for sex. Norine catches Azka with Lala, but they come to an uneasy arrangement where she will ignore his infidelity.

While Norine is out of town, Azka meets a girl named Letisia. He enlists his friend Harry to help him get Leti interested, but she doesn’t fall for his charms. Although he eventually gets a date with her, she abandons him afterwards. Soon after, Leti unexpectedly shows up in Azka’s pool and they end up having sex in table while a cup of chocolate Nutella spilled on they tattoo skin. The next morning Azka is moving Leti’s car and realizes it doesn’t belong to her but to her “boyfriend”, after she told him she was single; Azka throws her out in anger.

However, he can’t stop thinking about her, and his obsession frustrates Norine to the point that she gets fed up and throws him out.

Azka searches for a place to stay, but has a fall out with Harry and cannot get into the parties he once did. He runs into Leti at a swanky boarding house, and she admits that she was only interested in him for his house, believing him to be rich. It transpires that she is the same as Azka, scamming rich men for money in the same way he does with women. She lets him move in with her and her room-mate Maria. They begin dating, though Leti continues to scam and hustle, with some reluctant assistance from Azka.

One day, an upset Leti reveals to Azka that she just broke up with her fiancé because she’s in love with him (Azka). She further tells him her fiancé’s family owns almost 60% Club in Bali and that he’s the one who’s been paying her bills and living expenses. Azka, who has also fallen in love with Leti, is nonetheless angry that she kept her engagement from him, and leaves the house in a huff. When he returns he only finds a note that says she has left for Jakarta.

At Maria’s urging and with Harry paying for the airfare, Azka follows her. He finds her at a plush penthouse and begs her to come back to Bali with him. She refuses, telling him she can’t afford to let him chase his fantasies around while she runs down the funds they would need to live. He then proposes to her, but she tells him that she is already married, breaking his heart. When told about divorce, Leti says that she can’t, because she needs the luxuries and high expenses. Her husband suddenly returns home and Leti passes Azka off as a grocery boy, dismissing him.

Azka end up stay in Jakarta, getting an honest job in five star hotel and start living together with his dying memory. And an odd morning conversation with his random girl in bed;

Azka: “We’re not gonna do this for forever”

Girl: “I know, but we can do this a little bit longer”… .

That he will never in love with anyone he think he deserve, because he deserve nothing.

* * * * *

A story that inspired by a true event, after several month have no time for writing while I’m lost on earning-spending world to keep survive, this story was also an warming up for my first book project “Simple Plot“.

They say you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. But in this town everyone thinks they’re royalty. And the frogs don’t stand a chance.” miamou

The Lights of The Sea and City Meet


mother-and-daughter

~ ~ ~

Oh daughter i’m sorry i can’t get through the dark.
I’ve been trying hard to reach you but the clouds always hiding you to talk.

Oh mother i can’t believe it’s true.
I’m so scared about the future and i wanna talk to you.

Take a picture of something you see, in the future where we will be.

~ ~ ~

Oh daughter i feel like play a puzzle when i can’t find my missing piece.
Please call anytime you miss me.

I hear they’re talking something bad in the air when my life goes on.
When they’re talking it to me, everything i heard just goes wrong.
And everything i do just comes undone.

Oh mother will you find me when you feel it’s going to be wrong on your street.

Find the lights down where the sea and city meet.

Those lights will light up your night, light up the streets, light up the fireworks in me.

The lights that may bring my daughter and her mother back to me.

~ ~ ~