Baby, You’ll Be Alright.


* * *

Good morning dear, I hope I didn’t wake you too soon.

Because my mind is growing tired, too much thinking what I should do.

I picture you out there, It must be beautiful this time of year.

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All those south coast leaves, floating round like embers from burning trees.

Well the weather out here is just the same, but do you think about me when you alone? The thing we used to do and the thing we used to be? You know that i could be the one who make you feel that way, and i could be the one who set you free.

Now it’s only work, each day bleeding into the next. Barely scraping by I tire myself out just so I can rest.
But rest it rarely comes, and when it does I cannot go home. Because it’s much too quiet, seems that I’m not suited to being alone.

And everyone around me changed.
But i remember, this is isn’t the way that we used to be.

I think about you maybe more than I should, but the smog is getting old, the drugs I’m taking aren’t so good. So will you talk to me? Even though you’ve had a late night.

Because I need a little help.

Baby, tell me I’ll be alright….

* * *

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Art of Love at The First Sight

“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” ~miamou


Falling in love at first sight is one of the best experiences of a life time for anyone. It feels so magical and strange. When you face that moment, not only your mind, but also your body feels strange.

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One time I went to a party and just sitting around. All of a sudden someone is beside me, offering to get me a drink or just a simple as they just ask you to light her cigarette. That simple thing will definitely led you to make a first move to see her feedback, then suddenly you might feel strange comfort and begin to start a conversation. Here after you’re struck by the emotional feeling that, you have just found someone who probably you could get for a future relationship, but don’t get it wrong and no need to rush. Make it everything as natural as you can. You see a nice girl staring at you with a innocent catchy smile, you think you just found the Miss. Right for you. But that’s crazy, isn’t it? I know, its isn’t normal, and this is not happens most of the time, But sometimes it could be ended up with long lasting wild romance perhaps. So, my point of view, first site love is that much strong sometimes.

Many think that is the real love. Because, when we just saw a person on the very first time, we don’t know anything about them. Do they educate or what they do for their life, and how old are they. The most important thing is, at least do they like us? Or they just try to flirt and playing her games to attract us? We don’t know anything yet, but we just feel love about them. So it’s only love. Nothing is there, in between us only a feeling of love. So, isn’t it real love? Or I could only say; it could be a real love and why not.

But few think, it’s not real love at the very first sight, but it’s only a desire about that person. If you think deeper about this, can this gorgeous, deep-voiced, well-dressed strange pretty lady with the perfect figure, give you what you really want for your life? Because we don’t know anything about them, and they don’t know who we are neither. It might be only a feeling of desire about that person. Desire, is actually not the true love, perhaps if we get to know about theses strangers some people would like to escape from them.

Beside all of the above, it’s better to see whether, “is there any mechanism for this love at first site?” Not all of us fall in love within few seconds. On my point of view, that kind of first sight love is the only thing that i can only see on the books or romance movie. So, sometimes it might be hard to experience it in a real life. Further, it has been seen in studies that men are more likely to falling in love immediately than women. It seems like men are more stimulated by visual appeal than women. On the other hand, women experience romantic chemistry a lot better than men. It means, Men know they like a woman the very second they see her. But in the case of women, they usually fall in love with someone after the one or two conversations, and it definitely depend of how the man treat her as a good stranger guy, such as; being fun, respect her as a lady, no need to give them too much compliment, just being natural you, listen carefully when they talk something serious, avoid to judge her easily, and many more. But the most important thing is to make her feel comfortable. And, Do you know that your first kiss also affect your love? If you lucky make her more feel comfortable with your kiss so you wont lose the attraction. And it’s not just the kisses, your body language too can predict whether you will experience love at first sight.

My best advice is, if both of you feel comfortable together, just take a walk sometimes, go to a coffee shops, spent time to get to know each other, avoid to talk about her bad memory of past, don’t judge easily, don’t get to attached or even worse get a really fast sex, sometimes is a good starts to have sex at beginning of relationships, but I experience it hard to make a ‘first sight love’ to a happily ever after, because that good sex will distract a simple thing of natural relationship. That’s actually what I learn from my mistake. So what do you think? Falling in love at first sight is real love? Or is just a lust that will bring you to a short term attached that only leads you to a one night stand? You decide.

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“I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.” ~miamou

If Someone Ask Me “Why?”

Then everything turns right, a few unsaid feelings seems happened to be true. That’s why I did. ~miamou


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I would like to flash back to see that sunrise to collect memory instead of things, its time for us to pack up all the past and find what truly lasts.

If everything has been written down, so why worry?

If life changing, so why worry?

We say it’s still you and I with silly smile as we wave goodbye, and you can say that was your mistake to open up the door that closed for ages. Then someone once said that “You couldn’t”, then everything turns right, a few unsaid feelings seems happened to be true. That’s why I did, and I won’t worry.

If someone ask me, “why?”

Each series of life has something unsaid feelings. For those who said with metaphors, and for those who didn’t even know what metaphors means. When you remember once wasn’t good orgasm and remember the chapter wasn’t good plot, i hope we’ll realize that we own a promise that long forgotten,

eventually.

~miamou~

Nutella Spilled

When I first came out here, I had a dream – a dream of an easy life. Guess what? Most of it came true. ~miamou


 

Azka; “My whole life it was obvious I was going to end up in this island of God’s. I don’t want to be arrogant here, but I’m an incredibly attractive man. I can’t help it, I don’t try to be, I just am. When I was a kid my mother’s best friend used to tell me that I was gonna be a little heart breaker. Turns out she was right. Her husband came home from work one day and found us fuckin’ on the Stairmaster. Bali, Indonesia – that’s where all the beautiful little heart breakers go to live the dream. 30,000 of them arrive here every single month. 30,000 prom kings and queens, and Little Miss Cute Tits every one of them with stars in their eyes and a dream in their heart. When I first came out here, I had a dream – a dream of an easy life. I was gonna get rich from lyin’ around having my picture taken. I was gonna live in the hills and drive a noisy yellow sports bike and fuck 75cm girls who weighed 50kg’s. Guess what? Most of it came true.”

Nutella Spilled

A story about who i called narcissistic gigolo Azka who lives in beautiful island Bali, drifting from one relationship to another without a steady job or even a place to live. He preys on women who can provide for him, using his looks and sexual prowess to keep them happy.

Before long, however, Azka starts cheating on Norine, first with his friend then with Lala who actually had relationship with his best-friends, whom he met at another party. Lala disapproves of Azka’s free-wheeling lifestyle and has expressed a desire for a relationship, but Azka has no real interest in her except for sex. Norine catches Azka with Lala, but they come to an uneasy arrangement where she will ignore his infidelity.

While Norine is out of town, Azka meets a girl named Letisia. He enlists his friend Harry to help him get Leti interested, but she doesn’t fall for his charms. Although he eventually gets a date with her, she abandons him afterwards. Soon after, Leti unexpectedly shows up in Azka’s pool and they end up having sex in table while a cup of chocolate Nutella spilled on they tattoo skin. The next morning Azka is moving Leti’s car and realizes it doesn’t belong to her but to her “boyfriend”, after she told him she was single; Azka throws her out in anger.

However, he can’t stop thinking about her, and his obsession frustrates Norine to the point that she gets fed up and throws him out.

Azka searches for a place to stay, but has a fall out with Harry and cannot get into the parties he once did. He runs into Leti at a swanky boarding house, and she admits that she was only interested in him for his house, believing him to be rich. It transpires that she is the same as Azka, scamming rich men for money in the same way he does with women. She lets him move in with her and her room-mate Maria. They begin dating, though Leti continues to scam and hustle, with some reluctant assistance from Azka.

One day, an upset Leti reveals to Azka that she just broke up with her fiancé because she’s in love with him (Azka). She further tells him her fiancé’s family owns almost 60% Club in Bali and that he’s the one who’s been paying her bills and living expenses. Azka, who has also fallen in love with Leti, is nonetheless angry that she kept her engagement from him, and leaves the house in a huff. When he returns he only finds a note that says she has left for Jakarta.

At Maria’s urging and with Harry paying for the airfare, Azka follows her. He finds her at a plush penthouse and begs her to come back to Bali with him. She refuses, telling him she can’t afford to let him chase his fantasies around while she runs down the funds they would need to live. He then proposes to her, but she tells him that she is already married, breaking his heart. When told about divorce, Leti says that she can’t, because she needs the luxuries and high expenses. Her husband suddenly returns home and Leti passes Azka off as a grocery boy, dismissing him.

Azka end up stay in Jakarta, getting an honest job in five star hotel and start living together with his dying memory. And an odd morning conversation with his random girl in bed;

Azka: “We’re not gonna do this for forever”

Girl: “I know, but we can do this a little bit longer”… .

That he will never in love with anyone he think he deserve, because he deserve nothing.

* * * * *

A story that inspired by a true event, after several month have no time for writing while I’m lost on earning-spending world to keep survive, this story was also an warming up for my first book project “Simple Plot“.

They say you gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. But in this town everyone thinks they’re royalty. And the frogs don’t stand a chance.” miamou

The Lights of The Sea and City Meet


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Oh daughter i’m sorry i can’t get through the dark.
I’ve been trying hard to reach you but the clouds always hiding you to talk.

Oh mother i can’t believe it’s true.
I’m so scared about the future and i wanna talk to you.

Take a picture of something you see, in the future where we will be.

~ ~ ~

Oh daughter i feel like play a puzzle when i can’t find my missing piece.
Please call anytime you miss me.

I hear they’re talking something bad in the air when my life goes on.
When they’re talking it to me, everything i heard just goes wrong.
And everything i do just comes undone.

Oh mother will you find me when you feel it’s going to be wrong on your street.

Find the lights down where the sea and city meet.

Those lights will light up your night, light up the streets, light up the fireworks in me.

The lights that may bring my daughter and her mother back to me.

~ ~ ~

She’s My Black Artist


Di dalam kepalanya seperti ada malaikat hitam.

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Dengan tiba-tiba dia menggerakkan tangan. Membuatnya meraih cat minyak yang hanya berwarna hitam. Lalu ke atas kanvas dia torehkan. Tapi mendadak dia terpaku diam. Depresi. Meyakinkan hati, bahwa semuanya itu benar, semua tidak ada aturan dan segalanya dibolehkan. In the end, everything is just an art.

~ ~ ~

Tangannya lunglai bergerak di atas kanvas. Menyalurkan apa yang tersirat dari benak. Terkadang dia menggerak-gerakkan tangannya dengan kasar sampai kanvas terlempar dari meja walnut itu. Dengan sengaja dia injak kanvas yang sudah menyerah di lantai tanpa perlawanan itu, dan dengan kuas ukuran besar diputar-putarnya cat hitam sampai hampir keseluruhan bidang putih tertutup. Hitam! Hanya warna itu yang ingin dia lihat. Namun kemudian dia mundur teratur ketika dilihatnya yang tersisa dari bidang kanvas putih itu berbentuk gambar serupa langit kelam. Inikah malaikat hitam yang mempengaruhi jari-jemarinya di atas kanvas?

Dia merasa geraknya yang bebas berubah menjadi terbatas. Justru ketika aku muncul tiba-tiba dengan lukisan berwarna merah darah. Membuatnya sedikit terkejut akan warna merah darah yang justru lebih terkesan sisi depresinya dibandingkan dengan warna hitam itu. Menyanyikan luka. Walaupun bukan warna merah darah yang sebenarnya, luka bagaimanapun adalah luka yang mungkin tidak bisa sembuh selamanya. Luka, karena apa yang selama ini diajarkan dan dianggapnya benar ternyata salah. Hitam bukanlah luka.

Seketika dia kehilangan kendali atas alam pikiran dan jiwanya sendiri, karena kehadiran lukisanku yang menempel di kanvas itu mengingatkan pada kesalahannya. Semula dia hanya ingin menyiksa kanvas putih itu dengan warna hitam saja. Menginjak-nginjak supaya hitam itu pecah berberai tak lagi menyatu seperti luka yang masih bertahan dalam hatinya. Jika pada akhirnya yang tercipta justru hanya warna hitam polos, yang tidak berarti apa-apa, dia sama sekali tidak menyangkanya.

Kenapa yang muncul justru harus salah satu lambang monoteisme yang selama ini dia anggap hanya membodohi manusia? Tidak terima, dia ambil cat putih dan dengan keyakinan tinggi dan hanya dengan satu garisan dia lengkapi kanvas hitam tersebut menjadi sebuah garis terang yang sempurna. Dia diam sejenak dan merasa ada sesuatu yang masih salah, dengan kanvasnya, dengan dirinya, dengan semuanya.

Garis putih di depannya itu menatap beku. Persis seperti tatapan mata orang-orang dalam kenangannya dulu. Tidak ada bola hitam di kedua mata mereka kala itu. Hampir menyerupai Hanibal Lecter yang pernah dia lihat di layar televisi. Membuat bulu kuduknya pun mau tak mau berdiri. Masih jelas benar mata-mata tanpa bola mata hitam itu merusak dosis anti depresan yang telah membantunya.

Dia tidak tahu apakah harus merasa bersyukur atau menyesal karena bertemu denganku. Untuk apa hidup jika hanya untuk membuat luka baru yang dari hari ke hari semakin infeksi. Dia ingat bahwa perasaan itulah yang membuatnya jadi pelukis. Untuk menyampaikan kenyataan. Tapi tidak jarang juga sebagai sarana untuk menghapus kenangan. Kenangan tentang laki-laki yang dia tinggalkan tanpa perasaan. Dia bercerita kepadaku; “aku meninggalkan seorang pria tanpa pamit setelah pria itu memberiku cincin untuk meminangku, aku lari bersama cincin berlian itu dari Moscow ke Bali hanya untuk menghibur diri bahwa aku perempuan paling bajingan di usiaku saat itu”. Ucapnya.

Dia menatap kembali garis putih yang sempurna di atas kanvas. Rahangnya pun mengeras. Diraihnya kuas yang lebih besar dan dicelupkannya ke cat hitam. Lagi. Dipulasnya garis putih yang sudah sempurna itu dengan geram. Kini kanvas itu sudah benar-benar hitam legam. Dengan penuh kepuasan, dia lepas kuas yang digenggam. Dan betapa kagetnya dia ketika melihat ke telapak tangan yang sudah dipenuhi bercak hitam.

Aku katakana kepadanya; “tidak pernah ada aturan garisan warna dalam kanvas, semuanya di benarkan. Orang tidak perlu mengerti apa arti dalam kanvas itu, kamulah satu-satunya orang yang paling tahu maksud atau arti dari isi dalam kanvas itu. Anyway, I like the way you’ve paintings” ucapku.

Mata birunya melihat tepat ke tengah-tengah retinaku.

“I’m afraid to fall in love with you moussa” ucapnya.

“Me too olga, but you have to know that i have bad track record in love. I do, and I’m an asshole.” Jawabku

“I’m bitch smile, but i really like you very much. I don’t care you are an asshole.”

“What a beautiful mess this is” kalimat yang terucap di dalam hati.

Dan kita terdiam dalam keheningan, bersama lukisan-lukisan kita. Dia bersama dengan pikirannya tentang aku dan segala tulisan yang telah aku buat. Aku bersama dengan pikiranku tentang dia si pelukis hitam.

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