One Step Closer to Love


Finally i am writing my twenty posts! I know its sounds easy but for me, it’s a greatest achievement so far, so i’d like to write the last post of this year’s about someone special in my life. It’s a 2nd part of “Still in memory”.

When you see the title of this post, some of you may think that the topic of love is over used. Yes it is, but due to we are facing Christmas i think i might write something a little deeper than before, little closer to God. But still keep the main story of “Still in memory” because i do like it. I hope you like it too. Here it goes.

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Meet you once again
Anytime, anywhere
I won’t forget
Cause you are all that I’ve waiting for
It’s your light
It’s your way
Pull me out of the dark
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
One step closer to love.

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I almost got her. I shouldn’t ruin it.

My love story was written—or so it seemed.

When the final chapter of “us” came far more quickly than i had imagined, it’s been more than 10 years . Now i went to a place of waiting and have remained ever since.

One might immediately think that i have been waiting for “the one” this whole time. Sadly, that is not the case. After “we” never happened, at that time i couldn’t fathom becoming an “us” with anyone else but try to learn from every relationship that i have made until now. The experiences repulsed me.

My waiting is on the transformation of my heart.

Transformation of the heart was scary because i had given my heart away and made a deep emotional commitment. I knew i had some work to do. I realized what “felt” like love was actually an unhealthy type of love. I couldn’t put into words the different styles of love i had experienced until i read The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. Before reading that, all i knew of the love from before was that it wasn’t right.

But even though i can look back and see the transformation God has done, feelings are strong and fear can creep in and say; “Isaac, you will never know real, healthy love because of all the attachments you made to unhealthy love.” This is when i have to stop and cling to truth. And remember i believe in a God who transforms and redeems.

But i want to know answers today!

Should i forget?

“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because i have a life to live, and i need to live it in the best possible. if he has to make a choice, may he make it now. then i will either wait for her or forget her. Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.” By Paulo Coelho

When i choose to have patience, trusting in a bigger purpose, i find my view of waiting changes. It seems to me that an awareness of purpose constitutes some level of belief. And, as my belief grows, i realize waiting has more to do with my heart toward God than my heart toward a human “the one”.

He is at work on our stories of love

Pain of a broken heart caused me to question my relationship with this “Good God”—His timing, His love, and His purpose for me.

Because i know this type of waiting that i have described will be part of married life. If God give me one last change to meet her again, i will be brave and i will never let anything take her away from me.

While the seasons of my life will change, the character of God will not. And, as i said before, i believe in a God who wants to transform and redeem. In sorrow, in joy, in wonder, and in wait, He is at work on our stories of love.

Waiting with a purpose,

Isaac,

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” –Romans 5

The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.” –Psalm 34

“Behold, I make all things new” -Revelation 21:5

Do you believe that I am able to do this?” –Jesus

P.S. Merry Christmas to all of you. And if “the one” read this post; hopefully you have enjoyed your Christmas too. “Christmas gift could be anything and is not important anymore. Give a little chance to see how and why i want to impressed you before, until i ruin it.”

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Someone Beside Me


“I love the sun for days, the moon for nights and you forever.”

Tak terhitung sudah beberapa kali ini terjadi.

Jatuh dan membuatku merasa kecil lagi di dunia ini. Kecewa dan membuatku berhenti bermimpi. Dikhianati dan membuatku pesimis terhadap hidup dan cinta. seperti burung kecil yang baru terbang, dunia menyuruhku untuk belajar semua hal dalam waktu singkat. Aku dipaksa untuk menentukan segala-galanya sendiri_benar-benar sendiri.

Tiba-tiba saja, hidup dewasa tidak seindah dan menyenangkan seperti di pikiranku selama ini.

Tapi kau selalu siap berdiri di belakangku, mengawasiku.

Kau tetap menyemangati dan berkata semuanya akan baik-baik saja.  Tak pernah berhenti meyakinkanku untuk bisa mencapai apapun yang kuinginkan di saat yang lainnya jelas-jelas meragukanku.

Kau membuatku merasa berharga.

~Moussa Isaac Askey

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